At some point in their career, most if not all clergy can relate to one of the first pastors of the church known to us as Timothy.  We know nothing about him other that what Paul tells us: born of a Jewish-Christian mother and pagan father, he is one of Paul's earliest converts to Jesus, an associate of his who, as a very young man, gets put in charge of pastoring a church with all the attendant dynamics of a typical church setting, which causes him no end of heartache and self-doubt.  Paul's two letters to this young man tell us of his struggle.

A year ago I was attending a workshop on the Holy Spirit and at one point during the training, many of the pastors there began to share how from time to time they felt like a failure in what God had called them to do.  One by one, they related how their congregations don't seem to grow despite all they attempt, their churches suffer financially or barely hang on, they themselves go into a spiritual flat line, their primary relationships begin to suffer, and on and on.  I too was one of these voices, telling the presenter I often felt like I was just banging my head against the wall, that God had not given me the charismatic gift of leadership, that I was spinning my wheels going nowhere and that I felt from time to time like throwing in the towel.  The presenter gently reminded me that it was not mine to throw but God's alone, that no matter what I did or how ineffective I sometimes felt, giving up was God's call, not mine.  I was re-reminded that it's all about God, not me, and that all I need do is stay faithful to what God is doing with me-even if I can't see it or feel it or believe it.

From time to time, I think we all feel like a failure, that no matter what we do we just can't seem to be effective or do it right.  But Paul strongly admonishes us not to buy into that, for, in his words, "God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline."  Paul's right: whenever we feel like abject failures, Satan wins because we give more credence to our weakness than we do to God's strength.  We must always remember that it's God's game, not ours, and he'll sideline us if and when he gets ready to do that and not one moment before.  For his part, Timothy took this sage advice and hung in there through the recurring times of feeling like a worthless church leader only to eventually become one of the church's first bishops of Ephesus.

 

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, for the sake of the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus,

To Timothy, my beloved child:

Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

I am grateful to God—whom I worship with a clear conscience, as my ancestors did—when I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day.  Recalling your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you.  For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.

Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace. This grace was given to us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Saviour Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.  For this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher, and for this reason I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know the one in whom I have put my trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard until that day what I have entrusted to him.  Hold to the standard of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  Guard the good treasure entrusted to you, with the help of the Holy Spirit living in us.

 

The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’  The Lord replied, ‘If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, “Be uprooted and planted in the sea”, and it would obey you.

‘Who among you would say to your slave who has just come in from ploughing or tending sheep in the field, “Come here at once and take your place at the table”?  Would you not rather say to him, “Prepare supper for me, put on your apron and serve me while I eat and drink; later you may eat and drink”?  Do you thank the slave for doing what was commanded?  So you also, when you have done all that you were ordered to do, say, “We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done!” ’